I'll miss 2010

I was too naive to think that bubble can makes me happy when things like these happen to me on the last day of 2010. I'm lost and have no idea what should i do with my best friends and my family.



wondering around desa park cit for few hours. It was pointless. Everyone was so joyful and can't wait for the countdown, and there I was. Standing in the middle like no body. The fireworks was really really beautiful, guess they spent hundreds millions in it? I cried while people cheering for fireworks and for the new year. I was looking at the fireworks and cried in the middle of millions people. I was talking to God, why are these happening to me? on this day? can't it wait till next week?? I got nothing from the God but just fireworks and noises.

Went to 7-eleven to grab something. I need to drunk myself. I need a shoulder, need someone to talk to, need love, need someone to make me laugh, need someone to tell me that- Its okay to cry it out loud....

XOXO
Not a so-good- starting for 2011 :(

She's happy! =)

On the actual date of my birthday:
We went Tao's in Sunway Giza for dinner.


Mr Reddy from Rachel and Adam!








Who was there?
Ker chi, Sally, Me, Pheoric, Faiz, Fawn, Adri, Rachel, Adam and Ker yi!


Thank you so much everyone! =)



Days before the actual date of my birthday:
Couples of the bffs showed up in my house and gave me a surprise!


Love the surprise! Love the cake! Love the presents! Love you all!



A meet with Pei fang at 1u for Rapunzel and lunch!




Makan @ New york New york. Yum yum.

Its coming to the end of the 2010. This year, I joined psy and just finished my 1st year. This year, I went Genting for the 1st time. This year, I broke up with a man that I'm still in love with. This year, learned through ups and downs. This year, I have an aim for next year. This year, I gotta pick up the burdens and be independent with my own life. This year is coming to an end, so don't let the shadows of yesterday spoil the sunshine of tomorrow! Live as if thats all you have and you'll appreciate life and enjoy with full of it.

XOXO
I'll miss you 2010, Phebsy

This is all about Him

Merry Merry people! Christmas is around the corner. Apparently, this is the most busiest week and most expensive week of the year! I'm officially BROKED! ==""" Been going out everyday to hunt for presents and having dates all the time. My tight schedule is full with appointments. Anyway, I've prepared all the presents I needed for my friends and family, have you? Dont forget its a season of sharing and loves! Don't be shy, and go spread it out! Candy cane counts too!



Its also "Tong Zi" tomorrow! Meaning i gotta eat "Tong Yuan" (Gluntinous rice dumpling)! I was making tong yuan just now, from mixing flour and flavors to stuffing brown sugar in it. and to be honest, I actually like this! Tong yuan have always been my favorite dessert of all. Don't you just love it when you see that bowl of colorful gluntinous rice dumpling?! Its irresistible! =) hahahha

XOXO Merry merry, Phebsy

Appreciate II

Continue...

To: Ker Yi
Thanks so much for the present! I definitely love it! Muacks love you!

To: CK
Thanks for the gift from Singapore, thought you're still holding it for no reason?! ==

To: Jane
Thanks for going shopping with me, and that dress! I like it! =)

To: Keat, JG, Momo, Lai ping, Chun lin...
Thanks for celebrating my birthday at Chili's! Though it almost killed me ( we ordered too much).

To: God
Thanks for giving me such a wonderful and meaningful birthday! I enjoyed very much! And thanks for giving me life and chance to live in this world.


XOXO
I know you love me, Phebsy

An Email to God

Dear God,

Please tell me what to do, how to be. I'm lost. I thought I have done my best for the youth. I'm in pain, please take away this miserable.

I just dont understand why!!!!
Why 'he' can just left his shit there and I need to clean it up at the end?!
Why 'he' can just walk away from everything like that?!
Why 'he' dont trust me and refuse to pass the key to me?!!!
... ... ...

I just dont get it?!!! and yet i'm pissed! Please water me, God.

Sincerely,
Your very upset daughter, Phebsy

Appreciate

Definitely Best birthday EVER!

Thanks to everyone who make my day! =)

To: Ker yi, Ker chi, Ging, Fawn, Rachel, Adri, Faiz, Adam, Pheoric, Junn
Thanks for coming to the dinner, for the present, birthday card and cheese cake! Thanks for everything, I really appreciate it a lot!

To: pei fang
Thanks for the present, lunch,movie and teman-ing me the whole day! =)

To: Bffs - Evon, Catherine and Cai yun
Thanks for the surprise party, the choc cheese cake ( i t was yummy btw), the present and everything! =)

To: Rubin, JJ, David, Steven
Thanks for the presents! =) love it.

To : You
Thanks for the cake, present and the hugs. thank you, love you. =)

To : Mummy
Thanks for giving a life, for raising me, for suffering for me, for everything! thank you mummy! love you, as always.

To: Daddy
Thanks for the seafood dinner. For others, you're not sentimental, not gentleman at all, not police, rough, fierce, bad temper and all. For me, you're my dad; you're best dad ever.

To : everyone who wished me through fb/sms/email in person
Thanks, you lighted up my day!

This is not the end. =D

XOXO
To Be Continue...

That's effort

I ran slower than others, but its okay.
Like others, I finished my loops just that I need more time to ran.
Unlike others, I enjoy the journey by observing the surroundings and the people.
Unlike others, I jog with a smile on my face.

Been jogging for about 2 months.
I started with heartache, and breathless after running for few loops.
Now, I can jog for 5 loops, non-stop with no heartache and I do normal breathe.

Raise your cup, for my determination and my journey of losing 20 kgs!

XOXO
you know I can make it there, Phebsy

The feeling of getting stuck

Can I have a birthday cake this year, Please please please???

I'm fully booked (almost) for dec, the month of the year that I could celebrate like no body's business! My birthday is just around the corner and I have tons of dates with tons of people! Hahaha starting from this wed - Lunch @ Daorae! One of my favorite korean restaurant! My Bffs have no plans for me yet. However, I smell something fishy going on. Hopefully, its a surprise party!!! hahaha I'm in hallucination! I love my birthday! the month of the year I get to wish for anything I like, almost! hahha I love to look at a table of presents that friends gave with wishes! Stay tune for more info of my coming birthday parties!
A girl who just can't wait for her candy cane

XOXO You know you love me, Phebsy

I just want everyone to have a good Christmas. What wrongs had I did to get myself into this mess?

It was numb, till I pulled the trigger. I smell something. I sense something moving downwards from the head. I feel the world's spinning and I allow myself spin by the world.

One said : Its hard to make everyone happy; You cant make everyone like you.

Guess this saying is quiet true.

I dont understand, what's so hard about it?
I dont understand, why you don't get it?
I dont understand, how can you make it look like I cause all these dramatic events.
I dont understand, I just want to make everyone happy. Christmas is a season of sharing, isn't it? How it ended up like that?

I dont understand.

All the arrows are pointed at me, all the blame. Was I wrong? Cause it looks like I did something I shouldn't be.

I'm lost.

Can't Wait For it!

Heart every bits of it!

XOXO
You know you love me!

Dont stop me

Mom, You really need to start believing your only daughter and stop judging her every single move.

I'm not kids anymore. I get it! You just too love me and over protective, but mum you have to let go at some certain time right? Just start letting go now.

That's my dream and if it takes what ever it need to become real, I'll do it - with or without your support. I'm hurt because you're not with me doing what I like, indeed you're opposing. But I'll still move on and one day you'll see why I hang on.

XOXO
Dream, Phebsy

Hero

There's a Hero inside of me, I believe it so.

Fruitarian for breakfast.

Vegetarian for dinners.

Yoga for Mondays.

Jogging for Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays.

Time will show that my efforts worth.

XOXO
Run Phoebe Run.

Dont say

Apologies mean nothing when the damage is done. So, forget about saying sorry, because I'll remember these hurts for the rest of my life. If you're asking am I capable of that, I am! I already did for the past 20 years!

Feeling Good!

It's been almost 2 weeks and I already feel good.

I'm gonna continue this until I look smoky hot. Yes, I did said smoky hot.

You might be laughing and say OMG is this fatty hearing herself?

I know what I'm doing, and its gonna work this time, I'm sure of it.

For those guys that never lay their eyes on me before, screw you all! You're gonna so damn regret. I'm serious!

XOXO
She's gonna make it, Phebs

Guess What???

YES! I'm on diet.

Because of you. Because of what you said to me.

I've made up my mind, losing weights!

Target = bye bye to 15kgs!

Wish me Luck!



XOXO
Dont try to seduce me, Phebsy

When memories flashback, I cried

I thought I wasn't miserable anymore.

I though I had let go and move on.

I thought I was okay all these while ... obviously not.

It feels like you were just standing in front of me, and I was talking to you through the lyrics.

I kept asking God why, but He have not answered my prayer yet.

All I'm asking for is letting go what I used to hold so tightly and mistaken that was my whole life.

Hatred

Today JJ asked : Who you hate the most in this world? Why? And what could they do to ask for forgiveness?

Who: I hate those who had despite me, insulted me, shamed me with harsh words.

Why: They gave me names, make fun of me with no limits, poured water on me, locked me in the toilet, wronged me with things that I did not do, spread rumors of me... They almost killed me, not one time, two times but several times.

Forgiving them or Not: I will never ever forget what these people had done to me. I may forgot their names, but not their faces and the things they did. I'll remember them till the day I die. I'll curse them till I step my feet into the coffin. The kind of damage they caused could never repay in any forms, even they die.

XOXO
God must have hate me, Phebs

The unsual Saturday

Today might just be my favorite working Saturday.

Today might just be the only day that many had praise me.

Today might just be the day we talked the most and laugh at each other stares.

Today was the day that a hot dude asked for my contacts and spent me a drink after work.

Out of sudden, I feel good again. =)

Addiction

I have this urge... this urger to drink when i'm upset.

Nobody have really realize anything, yet.
Mom's busy, as usual. Dad's ignoring, as usual.
Bffs are too native and thinks i'm still the kid they first met in primary school.
Others ... guess it never came up to them.

I'm depress all the time and cant seem to find anyone to talk to.
Everyone is busy with boyfriends, schools, works...

It started since the broke up. I'm not blaming him, but it just seems that nothing could stop the pain until I found this. This one thing that could make me forget about things, that could make me relief, that could make me sleep without wetting my pillow. Even though it'll only last for a while, but better than I did nothing and just sitting there alone and feels ... numb.

People don't understand, they just don't. I used to tell them my problems, but not anymore. Because they don't listen, they think its just a small matter. Since then, I stop telling, sharing.
I used to believe therapist could help, with the depression and all. So I went to see one. It gone better at first but it went worse after a while.

Now, I just couldn't seems to stop. It's the only way out.

Laugh

HAHAHAHAHAHA....

People tend to laugh at jokes, at people, and at jokes on people.

People like to make fun of me,my size particular. Sometimes, I sucked it up and put on a fake smile and continue to talk with them so that they know I'm OK with it. The other times, I would just force myself to smile and be silence. BUT it was never okay, never will be.

I know this is human nature. But don't you expect me to ignore it because I cant. Because it hurt, badly inside. People just don't get it, "What the big deal?! it was just a joke!". It's not joke anymore when it comes to personal attack.

Don't expect me to get use to these because I'll never will. All these years, it was never easy to pretend like I'm okay.

Life

A mother watching her child running around in the park with the other kids. Paying attention and never leave a sight from him. Scaring her little kid might fall and bully by others. That's her life.

A hawker waking up at 3 am to prepare foods and open his stall at 6am. Never stop cooking, packaging, serving and keeping money till afternoon. Closing stalls and rush to get materials for tomorrow's. That's his life.

A little boy being woke up by his mum in the morning 5.30am, reluctantly. Getting ready to go to school, with his eyes close. Playing around with his buddies during lunch. Buying his favorite nuggets for lunch. Watching power rangers after school. That's his life.

I have a life, like everyone else.
From what you seen, I'm laughing like a happy go lucky girl with no worries.
And people often believe what they see on the outside.

Smile

Your smile.

I had so much fun in the kitchen today.

We made tiramisu, creme brulee and panna cotta. Er... more like he did the baking and I messed around. haha. But it's really fun. Just both of us. He was so patient while teaching me, explaining me about the recipes and what's what. And that smile of him when I messed up, made me feeling as if I'm in heaven.

That Smile of yours, could have me stay up whole night thinking of it and smiling like an idiot on my bed.

That smile of yours... I like it.

XOXO
Getting started, Phebsy

Crashing Rachel's and kidnapping Chelsea

Guess i'm the only that woke EARLY in the morning and go shopping. hahah

Woke up at 9am, change and prepare, straight away go 1u (without breakfast or a drop of water) because when i woke up this morning, I just know that this have to be the day (so crazy about shopping kan). Within an hour, I bought 2 jeans and a browse from Voir, a pair of sandals and a pair of flats from cotton on, and a party dress from Kitchen. And guess how much all these cost? LESS THAN 150$!!!! Told you its mega sales! hahahaha

Wanted to withdraw money but atm card was deactivated, so when back to RHB branch at HELP. OMGGG took me almost an hour to settle the card stuff!!! Meet with fawn, adam, pheoric, junn and adri and we went to rachel's house.

Ding Dong! Rachel we're crashing your house!!!! hahahhaa

APPARENTLY, she just woke up when Adam called. WHat???? hahaha

Meet ker yi, faiz and justin afterwards.

I had my 1st banana leaf rice today! Awesome! but a bit too much. I HATE bitter grout but the indian fried bitter grout was just nice. I ended up finishing mine, pheoric's and rachel's bitter grout! hahaha

Hang out at Empire then. Nothing much.

Then ker yi and I went shopping at 1u. We go in almost all the shops that have sales! Ker yi bought a nice bargain from Zara! Its super! And I got myself another outfit from Kitchen! =)
we went tesco to get some stuffs and back to Ikea to have our dinner around 10pm. Wanna shop Ikea but almost all the shops are closed. =(

What a happy happy day! :D

XOXO
you know you love me, Phebsy

Untitled

I never say this. But now I do.

FUCK you.

You pissed me off, you wouldnt be so lucky next time.

Watch out, Adel! I'm not always on my good side. I can be as evil as ten times you never could have thought of. Do it ONE more time, and your life will be over.

It's Tough

No one know how hard is it. No one bothers to find out.

I struggled holding my tears in, sucking all the pain and forcing myself to smile while serving the foods. My voice was shaking and my eyes were overwhelm with tears to be release out. I can take the busy and crazy work loads. I didnt cry because of the work loads, but because I was blamed for things that I didnt do, for things that I didnt do wrong and for things that others did but the blame were put on me. And I was scolded for being ... Well, it doesnt matter now. I tried explaining, but it's useless.

I cried painfully while driving back home after work, didnt even bother to stay for another minutes there. I yelled while banging my head to the car's window which I cracked it.

I was being wronged and contempt and I cant find anyone to talk to. I feel pathetic.

Bonding Time

I've got my day off today from work, finally.

I woke up early instead sleeping till late noon and have breakfast with mom. We spent 2 hours talking about future and stuffs.

I meet with birdy and kher ye for lunch at Mizi shabu shabu. We shared what happened in our life recently.

I went shopping with kher ye and lotsa laughter and memories came in.

I spent the evening at desa park, walking alone with coffee and just let myself enjoy the grass, the air, the people and everything. It was such a peaceful place, a peaceful moment.

I lay on the swing and just allowed the sun to shines on me. For the first time, I was so enjoy with Mr. Sun. :)

I have a really nice day. I lived as Phoebe Lee today.

He's the one

I'm glad that I stayed back today.

I'm glad that you smiled to me numerous times.

I'm glad that our eyes meet each other.

I'm glad that we talked, like serious talk.

I'm glad that we jokes and laughed together.

I'm glad that we have so many things in common.

There were these moments when we both look at each other for quiet while, and we smiled
, with no talks. As if we already knew what the other're thinking.

There's just a moment, I have this thought coming into my mind that you're just the perfect one for me, the one that God has sent to me, to love me and protect me.

It just seems so right, and I truly hope it works this time.

Full house, Again

It's another night where the Silver Spoon Trattoria is full house. When I mean Full house, I mean approximately 150++ people. the place can fit up 200 customers at a time. Poor me have to running around from tables to tables serving foods, filling waters, clearing plates from 6pm till midnight, NONSTOP. You have no idea how dizzy I was. There were some times I felt like fainting, I dont feel my legs anymore and my hands keep shaking. AND I dont get to drink or rest not that I cant but just there's NO TIME TO STOP. Did i mentioned NONSTOP???! AND did I mentioned how demanding some customer can be?! AND how those Datos and Datins act like they're the king and queens?!AND some others just simply treat us like dog! OMG memang tak boleh tahan!!!!

Anyway, looking at the other side of these, it simply means the foods are nice. Hope my they raise my pay due to my hard hard hard work. I like to serve caucasion, because they gave BIG tips and they're friendly! Unlike those desa park rich dudes!!!

If anyone wanna visit the place, just google the name. Oh, Please remember to reserve a table before you come IF you dont want to end up waiting in a long queeue. =)

The Owner and the Chef?

Chef Ken.

Their foods?

They serve great Italian foods.

Signature dishes?

Too many.

The must-have-dish?

Pizzas, Tiramisu, Chocolate pots, Feta Foccacia/Boccacino.... Everything is all HOME-MADE.

The price?

About $50 per person if you only order main course (except steak). About 100 per person for starter, maincourse, dessert and drinks. About that la, but as I said, depend on what you order la.

The place?

Silver Spoon Trattoria

1st Floor, Wisma Manjalara,

Bandar Menjalara,

52200, Kuala Lumpur

For reservation?

Tel: 03-6277 0445

XOXO,

cant feel her legs and hands, Phebsy

Prince Charming

Its every girl's dream, to get their prince charming.

It's hard to meet the prince charming in our life. ESP a guy who's good looking, have this charming smile that could kill all the girls on earth (haha), can cook almost eveything you can think of, that dont drink and smoke, that care about you and your fat guinea pig, can tell a lame jokes which make you laugh your ass off when you're stress, and say nothing but hold you tight when you're crying.

It's truely hard to get one like this. Oh! and did I mention he's a Christian too?!

I'm glad I found you, baby!

XOXO
The lucky-ugly duck, Phebsy

I'll Miss Lohan

I always loved her, and I'll still be loving her.

You'll get through the 90 days dear, I'm sure you will.

XOXO

Still Loving Lohan no matter what she did, Phesy

Vampires

I've been watching True Blood and Vampire Diaries since my last paper over.


There were few nights, I kept dreaming of vampires sucking my blood; Me turning into vampires; I got killed by vamp hunters... and what freaks me out was when I sucked others blood. My firends' blood. I was cruel in my dreams, all I wanted was BLOOD.



Sometimes, I felt like how good it could be if i'm a vampire. Being super-strength, being super-speed, being able not to get hurt, being able to hear what others say out loud or in their minds... I'm like capable for almost everything! OH! How i wish I'm a vamp.

XOXO,
You know I'm just crapping, Phebsy

Be Fair to me

I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just JERKS!

I was being nice, after what you've did to me. I forgive upon those hurts you made to me, and I suggested to celebrate your birthday. You rejected me but saying yes to her when she come up with the same idea that I did?!!

WTH?! Seriously, GO TO HELL!

Sometimes, I really really dont understand. Do face really matters that much?! Of all the things you've done, others did were related to my face and body size. Of all these years, people dicriminate me. So fat people dont deserve to be appreciate? Does it always have to be so cruel to me? Why am I the one? Why me? Answer me, WHY ME???

I was told the world wasnt fair. But I deserve more than these.

Sometimes, it just doesnt make sense. Of all the photos you uploaded, none of them have me in it. Its all the rest of the girls. Define beauty to me. Says who beuty have to be sexy, angelic face, the S body? Define sexy. How sexy is sexy? "How you do measure sexy? and says who size S is slim and Size XL is fat?! What's fat? More than 40kg? more than 50kg?!

I was told the world is bias. But I just want everyone to be fair to me.

Tell me how am I suppose to feel. TELL ME.
Be calm? Chill?!
If you've been treated like a monster for 20 years, try to be calm.

The world tell me that I'm not pretty enough, that I'm not slim enough.
The world tell me that people love you for who you are, inside of you.

I'm telling the world, SHUT UP.
just shut your damn mouth! I had enough.

Rachel Hard the Rock!

A day after Pheoric's birthday, Its Rachel's turn!
She was supposed to have 4 surprises in different places - Her house, Tropicana Mall, Decante and at last Hard Rock Cafe. But then, bocoh. Anyways, Pictures!!! We had so much FUN! WEEeeEEE!


We booked our tables at the middle, in front of the stage.

OhLALAAA~Fawn!

The birthday girl got the kiss! Muacks!

I love this picture SO MUCH! Pose LADIES!

Welcome to the club, RACHEL! It look exactly like the picture that I draw in your hp for you, right?! haha

Have no idea what happened, but they took 15 shots or more to just have a normal photo. haha

Look! I smile!

GIMME THE MONEY!

Faiz and mia. He was complaining the whole time because I made him chose Lamb over mac cheese. And at the end, he wasnt satisfy. =="" Its for your own good ok Faiz! haha

The Funny Ones

Adam, Faiz, Junn, Me, Pheoric, Rachel, Adri and Nikky.

Adam, Me and Faiz

Adam and Mia.

Mia, Junn and Fawn

Adam, Rachel, Pheoric.

The birthday girl sure happy!

Fanw feeding Rachel her birthday cake!

Cosmopolitan that I ordered. Adam had a try. It wasnt that nice. I dont like it.

Bloob Bloob!

Mia and Hang tuah ni.

The RING RING people!

Yum Yum! Foods' here! Hickory-Smoked Bar-B-Que Combo!

Dinner Time! So hungry!

Fawn: Merci! Its all about the souce, the sauce, the sauce! MaMaMia! aghahaha

The Rabbit Cheese!

That's all for this month's birthday surprises!

XOXO

You know you love me, Phebsy