It was never easy

Every time I looked at you, my heart tear apart, bit by bit.
I reply a smile, reluctantly.

That day when I leave you, I cried so badly. Because I knew, you wanted to say that same thing that i did. It just that I got the chance to say it first. It came without warning and it tore my heart in two. The perfect life I thought I had was nothing without you. My eyes are wet with sorrow and my body are fill with pain. The life I’d planned for you and I could never be the same.

You have no idea how painful it is, no one knows. People see me changing. People saw me crying. People know i'm suffering. They said nothing cause they dont know what to say, cause they dont know how painful was that.

"I Love you" was what you said and we promised to be together forever, for better or worse. I gave you my heart, but you broke it, you smashed it heartlessly. People said I should move on, I did. I did tried. But everytime when my wound almost heal, you showed up and cut my heart deeper.

I saw the photos of you in facebook. I saw you at college, laughing like there's no tomorrow.
I can still hear broken sounds everytime you walk passed me.
There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

What I did to my parents these passed months, to my friends. Being cruel, cold, aggresive, and heartless. Its unforgivable. Basically, its like living a dead life. Its not the end of the world, I should stop this behavor. I should stop hurting myself and people around me for someone that doesnt appreciate me as much as my friends did.

It's time, Phoebe. Time to let go, something. You can never let go all the feelings, but you have to let go of him. This is the last time I cry for you, goodbye BJ.


XOXO
Grow up, Phebs