To be or not to be

To be or not to be... that's the matter...



Went 1u with Fang y'day!!! We watch The Wolfman! :) I think its ok. Franky, not what I expected. But anyway, its nice though.



We makan @ The Gardens! Always Like-ky the concept of garden! Told Fang that I'm gonna held my wedding in a garden next time, and she suggested in beach where everyone else wear bikini. =="" Dont you think having a wedding in a garden its just so ... WONDERFUL ?



Then we went did some shopping. You know that's in my blood, couldn't really help myself. haha So, I ended up with flats from cotton on and a hairband from F.O.S.! I LIKE forever 21! I mean, I'm IN LOVE with Forever 21, literally! haha... There just so many stuffs I wanna buy from there, the rings, the tops, skirts...!!!! I wanna own Forever 21!!!!

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Had dinner with Evon, Ck and David. Felt so guilty to CK coz we have just ordered some foods he dislike, so he ate pretty little and pay that much. were SUPPOSE to go for movie but... Anyhow ended up in the new Old town, @ manjalara. Crowded! Ming and JJ joined the gang there.

Oh oh I'm excited coz a new German Bistro and Bar will be opening there! Now I have full access to weissbier, pilsner, alt and the rest! I'm so gonna be the VVIP of that bar! haha

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I guess I'm probably perasaan but seriously?!!! Okay, these happened on this week. Started from Monday, wherever I go people just STARED at me! The shelter bus, in the bus, in class, lunch, walking..ANYWHERE! I dont know whats wrong v me?Apparently, I'm not the so called Ms popular or the WHO. So why are these people staring at me with "hey its her" on their face?!!! hmm...thats really bother me.

And, I didnt know that there's actually quiet a lot of people reading my blog, when i thought my blog was lack of readership? haha... Thanks, whoever reading my blog!

Oh oh, I was interviewed by cameras and all, for Dr Paul's birthday. I think my script was quiet funny and Auntie Mae said I did well. :) Hope Dr Paul like it! happy 75th! * if i'm not mistaken.
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HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY TO Ms FANG!!!!

You're my sunshine! Heart you sis!

XOXO,
"To Be" Phebs

Be like a Soldier

The gang just left. Adult youth fellowship @ my house. We had Lou Shang! :D Of course its my suggestion, again. haha. Yum Yum!

The speaker 1st time come my house so gotta go out and lead him. Almost missed him just now. He was waiting on this side and I was on the other side. haha But thank God he saw me! :) I find him quiet good, but dont know why everyone said he's bored. He's the only speaker that kept me awake during worship! :P haha



Fee Fee was the center of attention of everyone! No choice, my fee fee is too CUTE! Mummy love you, BABY!!!



The speaker talk about being a good army in chirst today. I'm really inspired of everything he said. It could deffinitely relate to my situation now. What he said about us, the youth, about our church... its happening and we're drown by our own weakness. We're falling apart and yet we did nothing. It's hard, but no one said this path would be easy and happy. We need courages, patience, hardwork, obey and all. We need to be STRONG.

People critics. Even those in church. People said something bad about you and?! You just gave up? you just leave the youth? just gave up on Lord? Thats a test, and you're to go through that.

Once, someone told me that we're all just mud. God's the one that mold us into a vase. And that someone also told me that, vase are meant to break into pieces. Then, put the pieces back again, one by one. Our life are meant to go through a lot of test, obstacles, and griefs so that we learned.

How much we gave in to God means how much He'll be adding on for us.
I'll be always remembering this.

XOXO
"Soldier" Phebs

Procrastination

Mid term is in 2 days and I still going out till late night!

Went for dinner with Catherine and Evon. We had "lou shang"! YEAH!!! Yup yup call us crazy, but we like "lou shang" even there's just 3 of us!!! All the others tables were like staring at us...whatever! Went desa park for a walk and play around in Jusco. haha...While they queuing, I was wondering around in the wine section. hmmm~~!!! I appreciate whoever created wine. :)


After that,
SUPPOSE to come back and study. Then, Byran called and we went Blackhole in Sri hartamas for a drink. That dude is crazy too! i mean there's just 3 of us, and he opened 6 bottles?! Jason dont drink anyway, so that make it 2 of us, 6 bottles!!! I'm full full FULL!



Oh gosh, I'm doomed! Just realized my last reading stopped at Dr Hera's lectures, which means, I haven't start the hunger behaviors and motivation chapters! shit.


XOXO,
"FULL" Phebs.

Drunkie

Some people have been calling me - A.L.C.H.O.H.O.L.I.C. - lately. =="

Just because I drink all the time, doesnt mean that i'm drunkie? haha at least, this point i'm not addicted to it. I guess I just LIKE to drink. haha

Went Sunway yesterday. its AWESOME!!! Seriously, speechless! I couldn't tell you how fun it is untill you experience it yourself!!! Though, we missed a lot of extreme games. Still its fun la.

Havent you read today's paper?

"A huge bunch of monkeys were found in Sunway"

hahaha...here's the list of monkeys that are found :

The girls >> Me, Evon, Yu han

The guys>> CK, Ming, Kelvin, Sotong, Sito, Wei de, Qi hao+bro, and ah boy.

Sunway Lagoon = CROWDED!!!

one of the highlight is... I SAW PRINCE HARRY!!!! Yes, the UK-ROYAL-PRINCES DIANA's son-PRINCE HARRY!!! I'm sure its him but its impossible?!! I mean, you know? How can PRINCE come to SUNWAY LAGOON????

Anyway,

WE were crazy! However, according to others, I'm the craz-iest! I was greeting+yelling things like "hello people", "hey buddy", "wats up", "I love you", "kiss me"...to strangers while i'm on the ride. And i yell to people who's queeing for the ride, "I''m BACK!"...ahhaha...

We played non-stop. From 12pm-6pm. And ate like we were starve for years. hahah.
Too bad we didnt get to play the pirate ship and 360'c twist.

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Seriously have a BU"SY day today.

Woke up at 8am today. Realized, I have "heat" and my voice is super "sexy"!!! haha...

Went HELP to pass up assginments and renew books in library.

The librarian is hilarious coz my voice is super sexy that he give me that what-you-did-last-night-look! hahha...

Then, rushed back kepong to see doctor. And hell, my temperature is hot like chili padi, my voice are duper sexy, my throat cough like very 5 mins , Sneezed like every 10 mins and my nose is having tsunami. GREAT!

After that, rushed to church meet v evon, wei de and ming. Went to Qi hao's house.

Had KFC for lunch! Hate KFC but no choice. Got scolded by everyone. hahaha I'm LEGEND! Lost my voice still eat KFC! hahah

And then, rush back home again to meet up mummy for doctor's appointment in Tong Shin's hospital. Something wrong with my backbone, ankle and somewhere near the butt.==""

SUPER long wei!!!

After the "visit" to hospital, rush back, bath and rush to MOMO to meet everyone else. Makan steamboat again!==" Its my fourth time for this week!!! Gotta ANTI steamboat for 4 months!!!

CK showed up with a bottle of wine.

Ming said i'm the only achololic among the rest! =="" Come one la.

Apparently, my face was RED. I was so sure that I wasnt drunk untill... I drove like CRAZY! and guess what happened next?! I went to 7-eleven and bought a bottle of heineken. And now i'm blogging AND drinking. hahaha.....Super legend!

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Going Mist with Ker yi and the rest tomorrow. Havent buy her anything for her birthday la. Dunno what to buy. She seems...ady owns everything. haha.

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Someone have been avoiding since...? I dont know what did i did or said that made him angry? We're friends, so speak up buddy! I dont like having this avoiding-weird-XXX feelings among us. So, just please speak up if you have any problem with me. MMMMMmmmmmmmmmm

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Junie called me today, my right ear still in pain now. We talked for hours, during my queeu for doctor in Tong shin Hospital. THANKS junie baby! Thanks for the concern and all!!! I appreciate it very much, even you're ady in somewhere 74hrs aways from me, you still pay the effort to called me and talk to me!!! Thats my baby!!! HEART YOU!

Junie and some others were quiet "concern" about my love life. Ehem..hhaha...

Firstly > I'm not dating anyone.

Secondly > I didnt secretly like any guy.

Thirdly > Yes, I admitt it, i still couldnt forget someone in the pass ok?

Fourthly > [for guys] If I treat you good, meaning i'm treating you as my best friend. Please dont be so into it and tell the whole world "OMG PHOEBe is so in love with me!" ==" Its STUPID, k?

Lastly > I think I dont have to report to EVERYONE about what happened between me and BJ and why we broke up. So, please leave some dignity for me, I'm begging you. Do not try to pour salt on my wound, please.

DONE! Just finished my heineken and need a bath. Ciao!

XOXO

"Aint Alchoholic" Phebs.

1,2,3...36

its been a month and 5 days.

I'm counting. I'm counting? I just realized that I was counting, everyday.

Why am I'm counting? What for?!!!

I keep myself busy with works and studies.
Still,
when the nights came,
when its all silent,
when memories flash through,

I broke down. There's so many times, in the night, that i wanna call you so badly. But, I know it well than anyone else. Sometimes, there's only one chance for things in our life. And for mine, I blew it.

I've been fooling myself, by telling people that I've move on.
I've been fooling myself, when others asked about him.
I've been fooling myself, by pretending everythings' fine.
I've been fooling myself, when he greeted me and passed by me.

I've been fooling myself all these while. Idiot...What a stupid am I? I'm such a fool to fall in love to him. I'm such a fool to let go of him. I'm such a fool to pretend that I dont love him anymore.


XOXO,
Still counting, Phebs

无所谓never mind

我，无所谓。我真的无所谓的。。。

我，永远都是最后才知道的。
我，永远都是没有人在意的。
我，永远都不是最重要的。

次次，都是你们自己商量的，作决定的。就算，作了决定也不会通知我的。。。
次次，都是我迁就你们的，有哪一次我是没有做到的？为什么你们就不会珍惜我一点？我真的很好利用，很像水鱼是吗？！！

你开心不开心，就可以摆脸色，想不要做，就可以放着不做。不想来就可以不要来。
我累了，你就可以讲我很会给脸色。我病倒了躺在床上，你就可以讲我不负责任。你们自问，对我公平吗？

不懂，对你来说，我到底是谁，是什么。 是真的当我是朋友，还是阿四。我真的不懂。
我没有在讲谁的坏话，如果你觉得是你的话，你一定会觉得你是对的。但想想，你真的作对吗？就连，不认识我的人，都会在我难过时拿纸巾给我，你却连一句你还好吗也没有。你还是对的吗？

我，是真的无所谓。反正，去不去，你们都会当我透明的。
好朋友？我已经不懂这个词的意思了。

那晚起，我已经决定，从今以后我再也不会有任何意见，也不敢有。
很多话，很多事，我都选择不讲。因为，同样的误会，我不想再有。我自己收在心里就好。再难忍，我也会忍下去，反正你们也没在乎过我的感受。 反正，你们对我也是无所谓的。


xoxo,
"Never mind" Phebs

Damn it!!!

Kinda pissed. I mean, very pissed.

Just because I said blah blah blah, you dont have to overeacted right?! Seriously, NO FAIR!!! Its not about the gifts, its about your sincere. I dont feel your sincere, dont feel like you're here with me, dont feel like you're treating me as friend. You ignored me, and I felt hurt. Everyone is everyone's friends. why do you have to "bais" or choose sides? Just because you like her doesnt mean that the whole world is not exist. You still have to care about other's feelings.

You only chat with me when she's off. So that makes me the... replacement? So thats what best friends for la?!

I said something to you yesterday and I felt guilty. But, you were like so heart-stoned!
I recalled, last time, she same the similar stuffs, and you were like heart broken! and telling me how depressed you were.
OMG, can you, yourself see the contrast?!!
have a nice day, my so called best friend.


XOXO,
"Being Ignored" Phebs

BFF = WTF

Do you know what happen if your so called bff turns to WTF?!

As much as a BFF can make you go WTF, there's no denying that you'd be all a little less rich without them. thanks for the precious lessons, my WTF friend.

I'm not the one with problems, you're the one with attitude problems and all! And HELL yes, you're kinda the public enemy now. You said that you'll never treat me as your bff and that powerful phare almost killed me that night.

I've been thinking for so long, about our friendship. After all these years, how you've been treating me, plus with other people's comments, i came to a conclusion which is :

Thank God, you're not my bff anymore! I'm so over you!

FYI, You've been vetoed from the list, officially.

XOXO
"GRATEFUL" Phebs.

Losing my Body

Thanks to those who concern about me. I'm better now, i hope. Though I'm still stick with my old life pattern.

For those who have no idea what happened, here's what happened past few wed...

I fainted somewhere near HELP. was sent to hospital. Doc said overload work, and now i'm diagnosed with low-blood-presure and some heart conditions. Haiz...

When I woke up from the unconscious status, mom was sitting besides me, crying. Saying something weird.

"我只有你一个女儿，我不想连我唯一的孩子都失去..."

Mom was upset. I was feeling guilty.

"Sorry mom, I wont do that anymore...sorry..."

So, at the end, I quit the hotel job. But i guess it didnt changes much? I'm still stick v my old life pattern... Mom still sitting with me at the midnight, while i was making notes and studying. I think she scare I'll faint again...? And now she still forces me to drink brands everyday. and she still call me now and then to check me out.

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Ker yi told me something today, and I'm glad someone saw my changes. Thanks Ker yi!


Still in depression. And I think I've been quiet... numb these days. Just chatted v mei thin, and I realize how awful I've been lately when I review back. I have no feelings towards anything. Why so? because of the exhaustion? because of the people around me? because of the break up? My life is a total mess right now. I really have no idea who am I now. I'm numb till a certain point, I dont remember who talked to me 5 mins ago, where i've been to few hours ago... I think I'm sick...psychologically sick...mentally sick...or whatever they called it...

I'm sick in the inside.


XOXO
numb Phebs

Self-Control

Last weekend....been shopping....AGAIN.

haha... Bought a lot of NICE clothes from padini concept, vincci, nicchi and all that.... I'm a Shopoholic, till a certain point like taking drugs, just coulnt stop.

Anyways, as long as I'm happy :) Guess shopping kinda save my life. It makes me forget things, for a while.

HYPER! Mum just bought me 3 new bags!!! 2 actually, another one was actually taken back from Nicole. For those who don't know Nicole, its a collection of mens' wear and of course ladies too. From clothes to boxers. From jeans to bags. And its my mum's family business. That explain why half of my clothes in the closet are from Nicole. haha... Alright, the main point is ... I've got 3 Branded new BAGS!!!!
One from Nicole,
one from CHANNEL (Huurray!!!),
and last one from Burberrys!!!

OMG...!!!! THANKS mom!!!!

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分手后，别说祝我幸福，你有什么资格祝我幸福？我难受，我流泪，也不管你的事了。你不需要同情我。。。不要再给我有想像的空间，以为你还爱着我的。。。

当一切都回不去了，当我决定要走，你才明白冷落了我，我要的不多，可你都没给够，哪怕一个温柔的相拥，对我来讲，都是幸福的。。。

现在，我只是希望，如果有一天我们在路上不小心遇到的话，你不用来跟我打招呼。就让我们从今天开始，安分的当两个陌生人吧。你要是真的为我好，就请你离我离得远远的。算是我求你，请你离开我的人生。



XOXO
The "channel girl", Phebs