Real and Faked

"Things are not always what they seem;
the first appearance deceives many;
the intelligence of a few perceives what
has been carefully hidden."
~ Phaedrus

Past Tuesday afternoon, it was 2 when I finish my stats and psychology reading in lab, I wanted to eat something. I went out of the lab, saw Fion passed by, talking with phone. A simple waving hand greeting was that's all.

I walk through the shortcut stairs which I always does, I always have a scissors with me. I realize 2 African men was following and start talking to me with their language. I wasn't really paying attention. As what normal people would do, I move quickly and when i reach the road with motorcycle all over the road side. I was thinking, walk through the motors would be definitely faster than I walk all the way over the motors. (I know you'll wont understand) So, the point is when I walk through the motor, the motor engine kinda burn my leg. I forgot. I forgot that my mum warned me many times about that. Sorry mom. It ended up my left leg was burned. I've no idea how long I've sat there. It was pain, very very PAIN. I cried with all I had. It was bleeding, the wound was very very big. People passed by and watch. No one actually come to me and help me. It was helpless. Eventually, mom came and sent me to hospital. I've been crying for almost 2 hours, still, crying. Doctor said it was a bit serious, the skin was totally burned, and there'll be scars left over. Now, it still pain, but wasn't that much anymore.

I wanna thank Melinda. Of hundreds of people I know, she's the ONLY ONE concern about me, called me, called my mum. Thank you, Kai Jian, a phrase from message really can comfort me.

In this accident, I found something. I learned something.

I found something very very funny. It's been a year here in HELP, I've meet so many people, earn so many friends, but I found that I don't have friends at all. A friend that concern about me, and at least believe me.

After my leg was wrapped, while waiting for the medicine, I sms some people.
Told friends in church about my condition, asked them to pray for me.
Then I sms Sally, told her to take attendance for me.
An hour later, Fion use her phone sms me and said "No way! You go hell better la!"
What can I say? What will you say if you're me?

Seriously, I was hurt. I felt hurt. Though we're not close friends, but what will you feel if someone asked you to go hell? And what will you felt if your friend don't believe you of what you said? Yea, they believe me, they believe that I'm just giving excuse to skip classes.

On Monday, Fion said something which make me felt ...
"Phoebe, you said you were sick during 1st sem right, why you havent die yet one?"
Yea, I know I'm not as important as anyone else. But, I wanted to live. I'm doing my best to live my life. I was sick, I am sick, I don't know when I'll die. Who knows? Do you?

Days passed, and yet, no one, NO ONE at all asked about me. Include all those I've sms them and let them know. Other than Melinda and Evon, no one...It was very disappointed. Am I that pathetic? Am I that unimportant? For you, my life is just a waste to live?

Mom asked after the accident.
"Why are you alone? Where's your friend?"
"Erm, I'm always alone."
"Even lunch? your friends leh? You don't have lunch with them one meh?"
"No, it's just me."
"Why? you don't have friends one meh?"
"No la, they're just...they have different timetable that I have"
"Then, meet at one place and do lunch la?"
"I tried. But, eventually, people just forget about my existence and left me behind...I just HATE kept on following people, it makes me look like a dog, look stupid."
"... ... ..."

Bebe once said "Most of the people in help, is just faked friends. They don't want to make friend with you, but they have to. For benefits, for face, for not-want-to-be-alone, and just for the sick of making friends."

I don't truly agreed. I still have faith in some of my friends. God, please let me know. Let me know that, there's at least one, AT LEAST ONE friend from HELP, is real.