A voice of broken

yes, if u dunno, then yea, my leg broke AGAIN.

It was few days ago, monday eve, fell from stairs.

It's different from the past, where my leg recovered in 2 days. This time, it caught me up. I just got back from therapy, it was ... tears and screams. my feet look swallow and u can see all the veins, ALL of it. Barely can walk, miss work today, but HAVE to go study and work tomolo. I believe i'll have a great time in Uni tomolo and in my work.

Its funny when you see people's reaction and expressions; the way they look at me and my broken leg. Obviously, its not some attention you wish to have, but what can I do? Trying my best to make it look not hurt at all. But honestly, its killing me. Every steps, every move, it hurts. I'm just biting my inner cheeks and pretend that this is just a piece of cake. I failed, sometime. Cause it was just so hard for me to walk the stairs, to walk from car park to the entrance then to my class, to step into bus and step down... Its just painful, hurting.

And Its really funny that some people just dont have sympathy at all.

I had post my feelings in msn and facebook... I really need prayers, need faith. There's a possibility that i couldn't do something i like to do because my leg might not recovery for the rest of my life. Thats hurts too, inside of me. I mean, i love sports, truly mad at it. Swimming, jogging, badminton, captain ball... And now you're telling me that I'm incapable of doing all these anymore?

Oh God, have mercy on me. *fingers crossed*


XOXO
"Wheelchair" Phebs

Relief VS Stress out!!!

RELIEF bcoz I ended my presentation. There'll be another one next week. That'll be the last one.

STRESSED OUT bcoz I'm working 2 part time jobs! Well, technically there are 3 of them. Owh did I mentioned that I got my 2nd job, working in the Hotel? Yea, I did mentioned about going for interview in the last post right? Anyway, yea basically I'm working in the management of the Hotel Pennisula. It looks quiet high class and expensive and it does. What surprise me is that a lot of students stay there too. OMG, these people are freaking RICH man!!! Anyway, the job is BUSY! Basically, my boss assign me everything and anything!!! Compare to my job in CMD which i still working, this have to run here and there, everything have to be done NOW. I dont get a toilet break or even few seconds to drink water!!! HOWEVER, the pay is good. That's the main reason.

Chritsmas and my birthday is coming. Having a lot of plans for christmas.

Owh I just created a birthday gift list..haha in case you dont know what to buy for me...

- Headband (I need A LOT) (I like Mischa's one)

- PSP (black in color)

- New pencil case ( i like 'princess' or 'watever', big)

- New hand bag (big, nice, cool, in dark colors)

- Guitar (classical)

- New steel botttle (I prefer black or red with cool quotes)

- A treat to Chili's/Paddington Pancake/ Tony Romas (haha...juz kidding, any treat would be fine, even McD)

- Chocolate

- Hat

Well, I guess thats it, so far. Haha, I know it every well that making all these will just make me happy... its not like anyone would buy me these stuffs, and its not like anyone would care what I want, I not the Miss Popular, so, no one would actually bother my birthday...I 'm used to it ady.

Anyway, these are juzt stuffs that I wanted so much all these while...

XOXO

"Workoholic" Phebs

Taken from Fawn

Would you shave your head if a family member asked you to because they had cancer?
Of course no, why me?!

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
Who's the daddy?

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
No, he's not sorry AT ALL.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Didn't I mentioned I won the best actress award twice in my highg school? haha

Are you wasting your time on someone?
no, i dont think so.

Do you have a bad temper?
Definitely! I'm kinda related to the HULK.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Definitely!

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
5 in total.

How often do you think about suicide?
Depends.

Do you REALLY love all your family?
I REALLY love SOME of my family members.

What do you want to believe in?
Myself and my abilities.

Do you have a secret crush on someone?
Had.

Are you proud of who you are?
Sometimes...in certain circumstances.

Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms?
yes, in a crowded room full of strangers.

What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven?
... ....

You're dying in 10 seconds, what are your last words to your best friend?...to your worst enemy?
BFF : I love you all! Enemy : I forgive you!

Do you care if people hate you?
Yes, really care!

Freedom or safety?
Both!

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
It's not my fault. I'm not princess! I'm not failure!

Has a song ever made you cry?
always!

A book ever made you cry?
PS I Love You!

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
Yes! and we, human still continually destroying the earth!

Name on moment where you couldn't control your rage:
Last Monday night. confession of a bff.

Name one moment where you sincerely wanted to just die:
Last Monday night, after the confession, at the roadside, Kepong.

For the last one, just say anything you want, anything at all
I'm gonna make it!!! I'll be successful like Rachel Ting!!! I'm gonna make those who make fool of me, looked down on me be very very SORRY!!!


XOXO
"Best Actress" Phebs

The Nov Issues

had some delight moments in class today. Sai yung said something funny. haha

Since all reports and assignments had been due last week, kinda free this week but still have to cacth up with studies. Actually I'm not that free, at a certian point. Will be interviewing for my 2nd job tomorrow morning. It's some admin job in Hotel Pennisula. Heard the pay is quiet high, at least higher than my current job. Some were asking will I leave my current job, well... I guess not. It's not like they're paying me a lot, but more like I wanna stay and help out. Anyway, will be going to the clinical for training right after that. *Sign...* Then have to go Sri Hartamas to meet hot-cute caucasion guys, AGAIN! Hahaha thats the only reason that make me working so hard. Shhh...pei fang don't tell anyone about that! hahaha

Just came back from studio. Been practising 2 new songs. I like the feel of these songs. 卓文萱-一秒也好, and 梁文音- 最幸福的事. Kinda frustrated, couldn't pronouce some chinese words in a very "chinese way". Plus, been sick since last tue, high fever for few days, then now cough and flu. So, today's practise kinda lousy. Shouldn't eat the nasi lemak today...

Just received a message from Alvin,

"Spotted, Phebs. J hugging infront of the principal! Watch out little J, our phebsy might eat you away, alive. " - Coming with a picture of us.

O.M.G. .... very funny, Alvin! I dare you to send it to everyone in help which i know you won't! Remember what u did in the last december? I still have the tape! haha...fair enough? Anyway, thanks for the photo, it was kinda sweet! I mean the photo, not you. haha...you 'great' photoskills + with the background + eve sunlight = SWEET couple! haha perasan...


XOXO,
"Spotted" Phebs

the CONFESSION

went to her house and talk to her...

I really don't know that my behavour or my jokes would ended up hurting myself so badly.

Had a long talk. confession.

I stop at the roadside when I drove back to home. I cried, I cried painfully. I yelled, I yelled miserable. This time I lose, everyone. There's really no one by my side. I had never been so sad before. It seems like no matter how hard I try to live up my life, it always gone to the wrong way. So, why not I put a fullstop on it?



XOXO
Phebs, someone that for once in her life time, want to end everything, so badly

Hatred

The window 7 thingy launch today in law yat, and I kinda get to job, part time. Work half day only, then the person incharge said I can leave. I did feel unfair and upset. I mean compare to the rest, I'm better in communication, language and I'm hard working! I distributed like 3 times of flyers and they're still holding the same flyers. I'm good in english compare to those lala girls lala boys! I just don't get it!!!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Facebook-ing and saw she wrote something on her wall.

Tears come up immediately. I really have no idea that she's angry about me just because of the position. I have no idea that people hate me so much, people scared of me... I didn't to pretend to be pity... I'm really... broken... I really hope the girl that she's talking is not me...I really hope... But, it is and I can't take it. I cried because she wanna break our friendship. I cried because she's not there anymore... I cried because I have no one now...

XOXO,
Phebs, someone that everyone hates