Mixture of feelings

Its thaipusam tomorrow. hols for everyone!

Ming asked me out, tomorrow to 1u. I'm not sure is this right. Yet, I said yes. I mean, I'm not ready yet.

I was excited, confused and hyper for tomorrow's date. my room was a mess with clothes all over the place. I didnt know what to wear. Then while i was checking my phone...

I accidentally opened a picture of him, and I stunned. I don't know where those tears came from, why it come out for... I think, I miss him...I miss you B.J.... At last, I still couldnt let go of him.

It hurts when he broke my heart.
It hurts when I ended with him.
It hurts when I look at him and her together.
It hurts when I look at our pictures and the memories we used to share.

It hurts. and I've been pretending so hard in front of everyone that i'm normal. But it hurts, even if i'm so good in pretending. In facts, It hurts so awfully as if my heart been smash again and again and again...

At last, I still couldnt forget...


XOXO,
"I miss you" Phebs

little lambs got lost

Just came back from cheras pasar malam, with ming. kevin-the driver.

It was my 1st time go there.

We were lost when we were trying to find where's the night market.

We were lost AGAIN when we were trying to find the right way to go back.

It was so CROWDED and the night market is so LONGGGggggg.

haha but anyway it was fun.

XOXO,

"Lost lamb in cheras" Phebs

All the way to the Forgetland

Went to sing k with fang last friday.

WAS quiet an emotional times for me during the singing session, since all the songs that i sang was kinda...

It was a release for me, i guess. To sang with the lyrics and cried out. Anyway, we have FUN in ikea and curve. We ate with awal Asshaaari and shopped with Lin Yu Zhong!!! how cool is that!!! haha...

We had ikea meatballs, ikea biscuits, ikea ice cream, kick kock...

@ gardens

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Its been a week, and so far, I'm still cover it quiet okay la, i guess. Trying to put myself together. As long as, no one ask me and remind me of him then, should be ok. Hopes things will just stay like that. Feels like i'm tearing apart, cause i've been trying so hard to make myself so strong. What to be sad about?! What to be regret about phoebe? You're the one who ended it. He's now living his life happily and you're here falling apart?! what for?!

Anyway, I've been keeping myself busy so that I dont think of something else useless. Owh, and will be havin another job la, which is a tutor. Catherine said dont know should admire me and scold me, for working so hard and all. I guess, this would be better than anesthetics.

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Was a hectic week...started psychology and it made me go psycho...my jobs is like hell. works in HELP is BUSY; works in HOTEL is like SHIT. Hate the hotel's works THE MOST!!! Feel like quiting it ady. The boss just treating me like a dog. I'm doing everything and anything!!! from accouting to incharge of housekeeping, from checking thousands of stocks to checking hundreds of mailboxes, from buying grocceries to washing boss' left over dishes. == IT IS HELL!!!!

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Langsung no time for myself or anything or anyone. Work and study from 7am-7pm, back home, dinner+ bath. Study and doing notes from 10 pm - 3.30 am. Sleep like dead people from 3.30am - 7am. Isn't my timetable just awesome? haiz...I'm speechless for myself la. People around me start scolding me. Ming scolded me for eating one meal per day and making my gastric go worser. Catherine scolded me for sleeping too little. Mummy scolded me for working so hard. Evon scolded me so being so stubborn,... Sorry people, but i just cant stop it. I know its bad for my health, but i have no choice.

XOXO,

"Forgetting" Phebs

Two is Better than One

Had lunch with fang in Mags.

While we eating, MTV shown the mv of two is better than one.

I'm obessed with the song since it comes out, few months ago?

Yet, its my first time seen the mv. Yet, only i know the song meant in that way.

I was reviewing back those happy memories we used to shared, for the rest of the day.

It was sweet.

I tend to listen to "two is better than one" before I fall to sleep.

Today, I woke up with tears oin my eyes and one rolling on my cheeks. Was I thinking of you or I was just dreaming of you. Either way, its doesn't really matter, doesn't it? We already choose our way. Even though I regrets of what I've said.

Have a Not-So-Good-Grouping session. I guess I just simply don't cling with them. I mean, most pro its my problem. I dont simply cling with anyone. NEED to change! I mustn't be that unfriendly-quiet-numb-emo person anymore!

Same things for the other day. Lunch time. Since the closest friend i have in the group is absence, I didnt know what to do, to follow them or what? Adam came and ask me join them for lunch and i said no. Kinda regreted for turning him down cause was thinking having lunch with fang, kher ye and mei thin but they didnt reply me. So, have bread for lunch, alone.

I can't fix the broken glass.

XOXO

"unfix" Phebs

The End

Now, I know there's this "The End" after every story. Because, it really comes to the end.

Too bad, its not always happy ending ofr all of us.

I've been thinking for weeks. Last saturday, I didnt sleep until 4am. And during Sunday worhsip, I was a mess. Everyone asked, what wrong with me and i just said I didnt sleep the night before and i dont know why. I know, I knew what exactly I was doing that night. I was making a decision and I have my decision now.

For those who care about me, or you just wanna gossip around, yea, the story ended.

I'm gonna smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like it's just a dream, and pretend that this is not happening to me. But, I think I just heard glass broken into million of pieces.

XOXO,
Phebs.