Saturday, December 26, 2009

A night i never expected...

Christmas just passed. And this year was boring and unexpected.

He didnt show up in our christmas eve's dinner. He text-ed me in the afternoon, saying wont be going and some other stuffs. Of course I broke down. When I read his text, my strengthless leg fell me down, sitting on the floor. Its like a huge hole has been punched through my chest.

Do you have any idea how hard i tried to put the damn smile on my face that night? How hard i pretend that I'm ok? How hard it is to hold my tears?!

那晚,我才发现原来你没有我想象中的那么爱我。
如果你既然可以在平安夜丢下我的话,那么我想,在你的世界里有没有我也没什么大不了。

你知不知道我有多委曲多害怕吗??!!
你不知道,你根本什么都不知道,如果你知道,你就不会把我一个人丢下来,也不打电话给我!!!你不知道我有多么的希望,你可以陪在我的身边,为了爱你,我连自尊都可以不要,而你呢,你回报我的又是什么???!


当你相信一个人的眼神的时候,就会开始有很多勇气。因为相信你会是我的命中注定,因为相信你不管什么事都不会离开我,因为相信你会爱我一辈子,因为相信你不像其他只看外表的男生,因为相信你会给我辛福。。。结果我哭了,这些眼泪会掉下来,也是因为相信

你要时间,我给你。因为现在不管你的决定如何,我已经无所谓了。我用华语写这番话,是想给你最后的机会,如果你还在意我的话,你一定会找人帮你翻译,看看我在写什么。

我什么都可以原谅。你把朋友看得比我重要,我原谅你。你把学业放在第一,我原谅你。你有放假得空,选择根那些人一起,我原谅你。你明知道她是喜欢你的还跟她走酱近,我原谅你。你要做好人对每个人都很好,我原谅你。。。。。我可以原谅你的一切,接受你的一切。但我不能原谅你不够爱我。

我没跟你吵过架,不是因为我没脾气,是因为我爱你。
我没哭过,不是因为我没眼泪,是因为我爱你。
我没介意你跟女生走很近,不是因为我不在乎,是因为我爱你。


xoxo,
心碎的女友,Phebs

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Third Party

OMG... I cant believe that she would lie to him, to just keep him away from me. I have no idea what she had done until he told me. You really think you can just take him away from me like that?!!! Are you seriously have a cruch on him? Mine "him"? I just cant believe it! I treat you as one of my best sister, and you're trying to steal him away from me?

Its true that you're prettier than me, taller than me, good looking than me... And? So? Most of the guys like a girl mainly because she's cute or whatever nice about her at the outside. Well, he's not most of those guys. And after what he've told me, I can see that you've been trying so hard to win his heart, eventhough you already got a boyfriend!!! Flirting with him behind my back?! Telling him secrets that non of our sisters known?! Asking him to do stuffs as if he's your boyfriend?! And you almost ruin our 1st anniversary and our 1st chirstmas eve together!!!

I'm not that much of angry but upset. How could you do that?! I mean we're best friends, SISTERS! The definition of sister doesnt include stealing other sisters' boyfriend! Though its just all my analysis, but as i scanned through my brain, i realize the way you talk to him, you look at him... Its more than a friend should have. Its another story if he dump me, and you both together. But in this case, we're happily together and you're sabotaging me to get to him! You're making all kinds of lies to make him stay away from me. You're standing between us to make him look at you more. You're happy when he give you the food 1st then only give me, when you know something about him that I don't, when he's begging you to give him back his stuffs that you took, when you pretend to be angry so that he can apology to you and beg you....

Well, back off "sister"! He's mine no matter what! Becareful Phebs, you don't know what she's gonna do next.



XOXO,
"Caution" Phebs

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Work like dog!!!


Starting degree soon.... Meaning gotta work double hard! Gotta work from day to night! no more 11am - 3/4pm, its 9am-7pm tomorrow onwards!!! Holding 2 jobs, 2 different positions, working from monday to sat! Life's just GREAT! =.=""""


Decided to celebrate my birthday throughout the month!!! haha. Once again, thanks to those sms me, called me, facebook-ing me to great me. And those who drove to my house to passed me my birthday presents. And those who pay me tons of lunch-es and dinners. I love you all!!! :)


Won't be able to blogging much, since you know what i'll be up to.


Going for psy, though worried of a lot of stuffs. I know I'm not as good or as genius as those people, but psy is really my kind of interest. So, yea... Gotta pay $ 7k in January. Meaning gotta work triple hard! And psy books are like... 1 book = over $hundred... OMG.... work like dog also can't earn that much of money la!!! HELP is really helping me a lot. Memang vampire la, only know how to sucks the students money. Pay them, still need to get scolded by those admin/dept people!!!


Khim got me two new books. one of it is : An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People : What Every Body is Saying. Its a nice book! Its like "Lie to Me" haha. :) Thanks!


Just finished 宫心计 last week。

Gossip Girl season 3- up to ep 11.

Hero season 4 - up to ep 12

Lie To Me season 2 - up to ep 9

Criminal Minds season 6 - up to ep 9

CSI Las Vegas season 10 - up to ep 9

CSI New York season 6 - up to ep 10


thats about it...trying my best to run after these series at midnight, after i came back from work...



XOXO

"Dog" Phebs

Sunday, December 6, 2009

20% gone...

First of ALL, Happy birthday to myself -- PHOEBE LEE!!! ahhaha

Felt guilty during worship today...20% of the chinese worship which represents the youths, were "gone" at the worship today. Some have to work, some need to sleep, some are in somewhere else doing only what God know... Then, left with me, angel and khim only. During worship, people walked in and out, phones rang, babies cried, people talked loudly, some even cut their nails!!! Felt so so so sorry to God.

Had our "little meeting" after the worship. Oh God, I couldn't take it!!! It's not like we didnt give him the chance to do stuffs, he don't wanna do!!!

Jee Jian asked : "XXX, can you incharge of the foods for the christmas night, you can work it out with phoebe"

XXX said " Oh, how am I going to do it? What to do a? Huh, I dunno how to do foods things one o. I'm not good in cooking one la..."

Blah blah blah...BULLSHIT!!!

I said " Never mind la, I'll do it all, I'm used to picking up other's mess."

I mean come on la, XXX!!! You're the person incharge of the whole christmas thing and yet everyone else have to do everything for you. So at the end, what did you did? Cooordinate the meeting? Speak up your mind? incharge anything? set the programmes? Set the timetable? Find speaker? prepare games? NONE!!!! and what did you learn? NONE!!! I'm so DONE with you, XXX! As a elder of us, you should know what to do better than ANYONE of us, and yet?!!!

ARGHHH!!! Been quiet in "fire" today after the meeting, yell to others' drivers on the road in my car. Hahah, beg those who sit my car can feel it. Anyway, got my presents today!!! Thanks to Yong ming, Evon, Jee jian, Angel, Catherine, Sotong, Cheah Kee, Emily for the lovely gifts and card!!! I love it SO MUCH!!!

Had dinner in Kepong with Cheah Kee and Evon. A nice one. Had my favourite ikan bakar~!!! 1st birthdya celebration - DONE!


XOXO,
19th Birthday Phebs