It's just...not ok

"It's not the first time, why?"

remain quiet was all I did.

Earlier this morning, went to Mcd with J.

When I come back with the foods, saw his friends came in. My mind told me to "Run!"

I sat at different seat, far far away from J and pretended that I don't know this guy at all.

They chat for a while as I waited. They left. I go back to my seat. J was face-less.

After breakfast, we have a long walk to WN.

"Why do you have to do that? Its ok to make our relationship open. Why are you always running away?"

"No la, I just don't want disturb you and your friends talking ma...(smile to J)" I felt something coming out from heart.

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It's not about you, dear. It's not your fault.

I just don't people look down you or laugh at you when they find out about us.

我很想相信你说的，我们会一直在一起，可是我发现我的力量太渺小了

You're the person who is good in everything; and I'm just a normal and normal girl.

我知道，对其他人，甚至对我来说，我根本配不起你。你永远都是第一，无论我多努力，我也到不了那里。。。你是都没的遥不可及。

我知道，我没有一样东西比得上你身边的女生。样子，身材，学业，功课。。。但我很肯定没有一个女生比我更爱你。没有人能做到我为你做着的：

在每一天，在疲劳的你身边，我永远都会是你的支柱。

我知道，我们的爱情不可以像其他情人一样公开；但我们的爱一定也不比他们的浅。

我不想你给别人说你没眼光，不想被人说我们是不配，更不想别人说我是你的包袱！！！

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昨天晚上，当我们塞着车回家时，我放声大哭了，你瞎得停在一旁,什么都没说就抱我。
我哭了，因为我觉得我还不够好。

“I saw what you're going through. You've did your best and I'm proud of you! Don't push yourself too hard ok?"
很开心我的努力被你看见了。。。

“You have what God give you and doesn't give all of us, you should never give up on it, and on yourself"
我知道一旦我们公开了我们的关系，大家都会用放大镜来检查我，看在J身边的我会怎样出丑。

从开学到现在，第五个星期了，我一分钟也没休息，也不敢。
昨天回到家后，你SMS我
“I'm sorry that I force you to do some many homeworks and stuffs, giving so much pressures to you,which are so hard for you. I'm so sorry that you felt so miserable."
其实我心里真的很痛，不是因为我辛苦，是因为我知道他的压力比我更大。

“NO, it's not your fault. This is what I've to go through. Thank you for doing all these for me." I replied.
虽然，很辛苦很累，但为了我和你，我一定会坚持撑下去！！！

可能我的努力现在才开始会太迟，但我也要努力下去，我要证明我也可以是天才！
我不想再说谁谁谁很厉害。。。我要别人说我很厉害，很努力！！

我什么都不需要忍耐，唯一要忍耐和隐瞒的就是我们的感情。。。