How did things ended that way?

My great grandfather, Bruce Lee once said "Patience has its limits, take it too far and it's cowardice."

:D Hope you know what you're doing.

Clouds make me Moody

I know what it's like to want to die so badly.
I know how it hurts to force a smile.
I know how you try so bad to fit in but you can't.
I know how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside.
I know how hopeless you feel when nobody else stand by you and all they do is watch and laugh.
I know how helpless you are to just satisfy everybody's needs and expectations.
I know how tiny you felt when you screamed so loud but nobody hears you.
I know how painful it's like to work your ass of for something and as return, you got nothing.

I screwed up things very often and I'm started to think that I was born to lose. It's hard to live in a world that I could never ever fit in and giving up seems like the easiest way. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know who am I, anymore.

XOXO
I think I need to see a therapist.

Queen and King

I havent been blogging since June, God knows why.

I have too much to share about the past few months, but my mind went totally blank when I start writing it here. Funny.

Exactly a year ago, I posted this on facebook...
" Broken hearted girls are like Queens in the chess game. Queen always have DEADliest moves, but she'd sacrifice herself to let her King live. "

I was reminded why did I posted that and its something have been inside of me. I guess, it'll always be a part of me.

A lot have changed since I reached Aussie, I've changed and could see that when I interact with people. I felt like I'm no more the depressed-emo-quiet Phoebe and I dont wear the "Dont-mess-with-me" fierce look. I guess its the environments and people. :D I'm glad. Love Aussie, totally! I would like to spend the rest of my life in this place after I retired. But before that, I want to stay in the states and married a Caucasian! :))

Sitting around on the grass in UQ makes me thoughts a lot about my future. Gotta admit, it's really good for me cause it motivate me to work harder in studies. Rachel and I was talking about studying in the States together. It's really exciting already when I thought of it! I have good feelings for next sem!

Fawn's leaving to UK in 20 days. She's been such a good friend and it's hard to see her leave. Our group is getting smaller and smaller. :((

XOXO
More upcoming, Phebs!