I have Me

Without any clues what's happening right now, I'm in total lost.

Actually, I think i can get it by pieces that I collected. My family is in crisis now and they try to not let me know. My bffs are avoiding with God-know-why reasons and I'm in a lot of stress of the research papers. I do really need to talk to them about the whole family drama, but then, they're showing me this attitude as if I did something terrible. And you know the funny part? When I confronted to them and ask "hey, is there something going on between us? Did I did something that you ain't happy about it?", and guess what I got? They claimed that there isn't any different if I know the truth and asked me stop forcing them cause they are feeling upset now and need time to clear off. I was like WTH?! I don't even know what's the problem?! Don't you think I deserve to know the truth?! At least I know what I did was right or wrong. So now, basically I'm the public enemy. It's miserable cause when I need friends the most, they choose to hurt me and leave me alone. We were like triple all this while and out of the sudden I was kicked out and you guys went shopping, movies, dinner without me. YET, I'm like an idiot, smiling, pretend nothing happened and keep friends with you all. I don't understand. If your definition of best friend means hurting me like that, how about others? Why only me? It's been always me. YES, again it's my fault! Everything is my fault.

I'm alone. My family's gone. bff's gone. I have no one to go to.
I'm all by myself now, without anyone.
It's cool, I still have me.



I know I shouldn't, but when I looked out from the window, I feel freedom.
I know it's not right. But what's right? Everything's so crazy around, I just can't take it any longer.
My heart's hurt, it's in a lot of pain. SO?! Who knows and who cares?!
Every single day, like a clown I drew a big smile on my face, put on the colorful costume and I walk out that door.
And when I come back, the pain never gone less.
It's always about others others others... how about me?
People come to me and I helped them. When I have problems, no one even ask about it. Who do I go to? I have no one, not even my bffs. I have no one but myself.