Once again

Once again, God have tested on me.
It's like i'm a Lab rat, being tested how much pain I could bear with.

Trying so hard to escaping from this cage, but God just put me back.
Yes, I have very low self-esteem and when you treat me like a trash, I really feel like one.
It's really really pain inside and no one know.
I don't feel appreciated all the time. Often, I fell people take me for granted.

I wasn't given a face or a body size that I wish. Even my personalities.
I dont like anything about myself. Even an inch.
I was born in a place that being fat and ugly is a sin.

I feel like an ogre.

The Dumbo Dumb Dumb

From now on, it's literally me against the world. There will be only less than 4 hours of sleep per day. I have to get back what I lost.

I'm in great depression. You know the feeling that you thought you was doing good all this while but then one day it just strike you and your world fall apart. Yes. That's how I'm feeling right now. I'm at the bottom of everything! As a punishment or i shall say-preparation for the next war, I'll be studying and doing notes for every single day! YES, EVERY FREAKING SINGLE DAY!

Then plan is each day, I'll study/do notes from 11pm-1am, sleep for 3 hours, wake up and study again until 6.30am when I need to clean up and go Uni!

I started the plan today. Its 4am now. I was studying and doing the notes for biopsy and it took me nearly 4 hours to finish it. Tomorrow will revise advanced method. I know it's not good for my health and blah blah blah. But then, health and grades... do I still have to choose? I'll do WHATEVER it takes to get the grades I want!

XOXO
I'm not kidding, Phebsy

Running out of Time

It's March, 4 months left.

I'm running out of time to make my silly wish come true.

Gotta give it a try no matter what! I'll work out more!

XOXO
desperate student, Phebsy