Superficial

In my 21 years in life,people had been calling me with different kinds of awful names: fat ass,monster,si gemuk. And people treat me differently from other girls.

It hurt, every single time. But I still believe that one day, there's gonna be this person come to me an tell me that I'm a great person and I'm beautiful from the inside out. I truly believe that someday, someone would do that.

For Your Information

Basically, I wish you love me.
I wish that you needed me.
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, I actually meant three.
I wish that without me, your heart will break.
I wish that without me, you's be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me, you couldn't eat.
I wish that I was the last thing in your mind before you went to sleep and the first to think of when you wake up in the morning.

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebs

YOURMAN

Tell me that and I'll believe in you.

How much am I?

Every woman deserves a man who looks at her every day like the day he first realized he was in love with her!

I know they say first love is the sweetest, but the first cut is the deepest. I miss you.

Hush, Bitches!

I just don't get it how people able to talk NON-STOP during lecture. Is it that hard for you to just stop talking rubbish with your friends? If that so, just don't come to class and disturb other students!

I find it VERY ironic for people that talk so LOUD when they're just 3 feet away from each other. OMGEE, are you freaking DEAF? Can't you talk a little bit softly?!!

Mission seems to be Impossible

First of all, Congratulations to HELP UNIVERSITY COLLEGE which had upgraded to HELP UNIVERSITY today! haha totally out of random.

NEXT, Congratulations to Ms Phoebe Lee because I got hired by UNIQLO!!! OMGEE!!!! There was like 5 missed calls when i checked my phone after the 4 freaking hours of lectures, and this was what happened when I reply the call... "Congratulation, you've successfully make the cut and got into shortlisted. Please attend the orientation which will be held on next weekends." I was shouting to whoever called me! HAHAHA I can't believe I'm gonna work in the JAPAN no1 fashion brand! I'm so EXCITED!!! After few hours of thinking the amount of money I could possibly make in a month, something hits me. DAMN! I've got 6 freaking subjects this semester!!! FREAK! I've got class everyday, plus working, where the hell I got time for assignments and study?! Thought of dropping biopsy, but then I gotta spend a sem just finishing it so that i could proceed to year 3, WHICH is so not going to happen. So ya, I'm still taking 6 subjects, and working at least 4 days a week in uniqlo, and write assignments and study at the same time. I almost thought this will be mission totally impossible, and I remember what Ms Tes just told us today in her group process class, "Nothing is impossible!". YES! The only thing that stands between a person and what they want in life is the will to try it and the faith to believe its possible. I'm not alone, God's with me. We will do this together!

XOXO
With HIM, everything is possible. Phebs

Tooth Fairy

I sincerely wish that for once in my life, a guy who I love would come to me and say "I love you. Not because of your hair, you lips nor your eyes, but you're beautiful from the inside out.

I really hope this day will come.

How did things ended that way?

My great grandfather, Bruce Lee once said "Patience has its limits, take it too far and it's cowardice."

:D Hope you know what you're doing.

Clouds make me Moody

I know what it's like to want to die so badly.
I know how it hurts to force a smile.
I know how you try so bad to fit in but you can't.
I know how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside.
I know how hopeless you feel when nobody else stand by you and all they do is watch and laugh.
I know how helpless you are to just satisfy everybody's needs and expectations.
I know how tiny you felt when you screamed so loud but nobody hears you.
I know how painful it's like to work your ass of for something and as return, you got nothing.

I screwed up things very often and I'm started to think that I was born to lose. It's hard to live in a world that I could never ever fit in and giving up seems like the easiest way. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know who am I, anymore.

XOXO
I think I need to see a therapist.

Queen and King

I havent been blogging since June, God knows why.

I have too much to share about the past few months, but my mind went totally blank when I start writing it here. Funny.

Exactly a year ago, I posted this on facebook...
" Broken hearted girls are like Queens in the chess game. Queen always have DEADliest moves, but she'd sacrifice herself to let her King live. "

I was reminded why did I posted that and its something have been inside of me. I guess, it'll always be a part of me.

A lot have changed since I reached Aussie, I've changed and could see that when I interact with people. I felt like I'm no more the depressed-emo-quiet Phoebe and I dont wear the "Dont-mess-with-me" fierce look. I guess its the environments and people. :D I'm glad. Love Aussie, totally! I would like to spend the rest of my life in this place after I retired. But before that, I want to stay in the states and married a Caucasian! :))

Sitting around on the grass in UQ makes me thoughts a lot about my future. Gotta admit, it's really good for me cause it motivate me to work harder in studies. Rachel and I was talking about studying in the States together. It's really exciting already when I thought of it! I have good feelings for next sem!

Fawn's leaving to UK in 20 days. She's been such a good friend and it's hard to see her leave. Our group is getting smaller and smaller. :((

XOXO
More upcoming, Phebs!

Who's the man?

他，走路一年比一年慢了。他，白头发一年比一年多了。他，记性一年比一年差了。都六十岁人了，天天还要日晒雨淋的做功，为的都是我。他虽然从来没讲过他爱我，但他给我的爱和温暖从来不比别人少。他虽然很粗鲁不讲道理，但我讲的话他都听在心里。谢谢你这20年来的爱护！

His walking pace is getting slower each year. The grey hair of his, had added on each year. Little by little, he's losing his memory. He's almost 60 years old, and yet he work day and night under sun and rain, just for me. He never said that he love me, but the stuffs that he did had shown. He's always rude and dominant, but he remember every single words that I said and keep it inside of him. Thanks for taking good care of me these 20 years and loving me so much!

Happy Father's day and Happy birthday Dad! :D

XOXO
You know you love me, Phebsy

The honest compliment

I hate wearing white. It keep reminding how fat I am.
I hate wearing make up. It keep reminding how ugly I am.
I hate wearing heels. It keep reminding how short I am.
I hate looking myself in the mirror. It keep reminding me how disgusting I am.

So, when people say something nice about my appearance, I often think they said it for the sake of saying it. Because it's not true, at all.

XOXO
Ugly ducking, Phebsy.

I'm awake, now.

It strikes me.

Yes Dr Goh, it is heart breaking.

Thanks for the wake up calls, I'm fully awake now and I promise I know what I'm doing.

Sorry that I took it for granted.

XOXO
Heart broken, Phebsy

No, It's not okay.

We're not okay. Nope, we're not.

You don't know me at all. So, please stop talking like you do.

Thank you. :)

Friends of the yesterdays

Its really hard, I tried hard.

I've been trying so hard to reconcile our friendship. Even though you hurt me every time we meet, I still keep it inside, smile and try to talk with you. But, you give ma no chance at all. I tried creating topics, one after another. Yet, you're not listening to me, not talking to me, not even looking at me. It's like i'm invisible. 10 years of friendship its really difficult to have it and I wanted us to be friends forever. But it seems like you don't have to will to continue in the show.

Do you know how hard it was to be misunderstood by everyone? I cried all the time because of the ways you guys treated me. You've been telling others about me, stuffs that's not true. People buy it and make that kind of stare at me every time I walked in. I was rejected by everyone! Nobody wanna to talk to me nobody cares about me! You guys chat like i'm not there!

You guys doesn't care for me, when I was sick, when my grandpa die, when I had problems with my studies....None of you care and yet, I continue smile to everyone on Sundays and concern about all your life.

Friends are not suppose to be like that.
Friends are suppose to be there when they need each other.
Friends are suppose to listen and talk to each other when one's having a rough time.
Friends are suppose to laugh and cry together no matter what happen....

I love everyone of you, but nobody give a shit of what's happening to me.